Episode 40 – If Consoles Were People

Which one would you date? I look at each console as it made its American debut.

Xbox 360: The early bloomer. Though its older sibling was not so attractive it was beautiful on the inside… for containing a hard drive. This one, however, is a little more superficial… probably because it had its coming out party so early. Ditching the standard hard drive for sheer power and gorgeous looks the 360 is a real head turner. It comes in all white, so it will make you feel special and elite. Like how iPods were back in 2004. It’s got the processing power and the graphics capabilities in one sexy looking machine. No wires will be able tie this monster down. Don’t even get me started on the ease of its OS. With the automatic downloads, and the keeping track of who you played with last time. The Live service makes you feel like the most important person in the world. With all the killer apps that are out the 360 makes demands for HD and dolby 5.1. And with those looks, and those oh so pretty graphics… you say yes. Because you want to give her everything she wants. The Xbox is like that girl in high school that was found womanhood early and looked hot. Everyone wanted her. This machine knows it’s wanted and will give you everything you need… that’s right… it rumbles. But even though it is looking very good right now, in a year or two, the early bloomer might have been too early.


PS3: We all drooled over the PSP. So when the sexy looking PSP came to town talking about its cousin the PS3 we all assumed that it was going to be as good looking. We were let down… at first. We realized that getting to know the PS3 was kind of clunky. Though the interface is stupid, and the outside is not terrible but it’s not perfect either. After talking to the PS3 for like an hour we soon realized that while not the head turner we expected it has a pretty decent personality. All the PS3 seemed to talk about was cell processor and blu-ray. It kind of made us back away. When it mentioned that it couldn’t vibrate either, our attention wandered and we stared at the wall for a little while. Then the PS3 reminds us that it can do everything our previous girlfriends have done to us… this includes multiple versions of MGS. Our ears went up and we listened. It seemed that actually the PS3 was pretty sweet on the inside, and after seeing how much weight the PS2 lost, the superficial side of us also saw potential. While the PS3 might be a little like the slightly awkward girl in the front row at school, we don’t know what she is going to grow up to be. She might be a late bloomer and become a supermodel… a cancer-curing supermodel. You’re chance to get in before you’re just another stupid guy is now. The PS3 is demanding however. She wants to make you earn her love. She demands TRUE HD, and 5.1 audio. Though currently the PS3 is having trouble learning unique tricks to keep us happy, if you can sit tight for the long haul, it might surprise you.


Wii: The Wii was brought up with prestige. Its family has been in the business for generations longer than anyone else in the game, and it has the best chance of staying in the business for a long time. As in any high profile family, there is always one black sheep. The Wii is the Nintendo family’s outcast. Everything about the Wii is new and fresh. She’s here to rock your world and make you realize that all the things you thought you were doing right with a console, you were doing oh so wrong… and nobody had the heart to tell you. Don’t expect to just be sitting on the sofa as you play with this piece. Oh no. You want to have some fun, this is your stop. You’ll be doing a lot of standing, and jumping and moving around. The Wii is crazy, and will want you out of breath, or she hasn’t done her job. The Wii is like the spoiled rich girl who had the opportunity to have everything handed to her, but decided to do things her own way, without the help of her family. She’s had to make some sacrifices, in the graphics department, but she’s easygoing and not demanding like the other two. She doesn’t need a fancy HDTV, she’s fine with what ever you have. She also doesn’t need ridiculous surround sound, or any of that. She has a vast collection of titles that have come up through her family so she will love you no matter who you are or other titles you love. The Wii is just so adorable. She’s the kind of console you bring home to mom and introduce to the whole family. She’ll even get along with your weird cousin who collects worms.

So there it is. All laid out for you on blog. So make your choice world… make your choice.