Episode 19 – Xtreme Volleyball… kinda.

Ok. So I’m a guy. But seriously what the fuck. Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball 2… 2 none the less. How do you follow up a pretty decent one on one fighting game? Why you make a beach volleyball game with the same characters. Didn’t you get the memo? It’s all the rage.

I believe I missed Dead of Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball 1. It was out for the Xbox, (of which I owned) but volleyball games tend not to interest me. I actually don’t even recall seeing it on the shelf. Then this shit comes along. I played Dead or Alive 4 for the 360. Really it’s not bad, a decent fighting game to be sure… though some of the translations are hilarious.

I found the video on YouTube and thought it was some sort of parody of the DoA characters. Alas, it was not. It was the actual commercial for the fucking game. Have you seen it? Take the time now to scroll down now and look. I can wait.

…

You watched it twice. Pervert. So, if I didn’t know any better I’d say this game was about women on a beach resort, who are sexually frustrated and all about fulfilling each other’s sexual desires. Wait, it’s a volleyball game?

Someone should tell Tomonobu Itagaki (DoA creator) that women don’t… um… bounce that way. Seriously it’s completely ridiculous… and I’m a guy, most likely the target market for this game and still I have no desire to go out and get this. Maybe because pre-rendered females don’t do it for me.

But the bouncing… Has this guy ever seen a woman? Yes that caters to many video game stereotypes. No, I don’t care. I’m not going to say I am an expert on fleshy balls that protrude from a woman’s chest, but I’ve never seen any that defy gravity and wobble quite like those.

The underlying erotica throughout the entire thing is pretty ridiculous. Clearly this video serves only to entice the lonesome male looking for a good time or maybe there is a lonely beach volleyball fan… that would probably be ideal. Either way, this game just re-assures old stereotypes that gamers don’t leave their parents basement. And don’t have girlfriends, and are really really creepy.

So thank you DoA creator. For giving gamers a bad name.


(As an aside, today I read that DoA 5 was announced. Spectacular. Maybe someone can teach him anatomy)